Her eyes are there. I see them on the walls. She is trying to bleed through. Please help me. I see her, I feel her. I can feel her pain of death. She does not want to be here. She has come to claim me.
She stretches her form through the fabrics of this world, through the thin seam of reality. She comes through that lost world into this patch-work existence - all the pieces strewn together and sewn with conflicts and confusion. It makes no sense to the dead, to her walking ghost, to the form of her screaming spectre! Life no longer holds any meaning; it is just a chapter, so easily forgotten with the overall plot of the story. She told me there was so much more! Life just gets in the way.
I gaze at her as she stands before me. No, no NO! She cannot be here! My reasoning argues with my vision, my logic questions my deepest desire. But she tells me to hush my mind, let it quieten, at least for now. Only then will I be able to escape to her. Violet steps close to me, my body freezes and time stops. Fear drives my senses while she whispers, Fear is good, let it take you. A foot between us. I feel my mind loosen in terror. Her eyes glow, that unmistakable beautiful glint in her irises that are as dark as midnight. Oh but then I remember her, I remember her so clearly! It is her! It is my Violet.
My fear melts away instantly; my mind seals off my doubts and logical thinking. I let myself be taken by my fanatical delirium, She is here, she is here! I sob, I scream, I shriek. Oh Violet, oh Violet! I have waited so long for you! Too long my love, I have waited - but I knew you would come to me, I knew you would never really leave me behind! – Then she speaks, barely louder than a whisper, but the sound is amplified in my ears like a jarring echo in a cavern. It fills my mind, it fills my soul. It fills the place of my absent heart, the empty hole. Leon. Leon. She repeats my name over and over and I feel such a complete unworldly sense of relief, a desperate craving satisfied, a gruelling pain healed. I love to hear her say it after such a long time of not hearing her voice. I need her; I want to feel my body upon her. I want to open her up and feel her core, feel her all around me with nowhere to run. Like before, just like before.
I break the distance between us. I am right next to her; I can feel her presence like the very essence of glory. A wondrous creation, an unnatural form, but still mine. Staring at her, tears pour down my face like torrents; I gaze at her in such amazement I swear my mind is torn from its connections. I let out a strangled cry of overwhelming joy, my voice is distorted. I throw myself at her. I bind myself around her and kiss her mouth. It is floaty and light like silk on skin. A ghost's kiss. But I can taste traces of her; the frantic panting of her breath within my mouth, her saliva combining with my own, the tingle of eroticism from her wide bowstring lips. I clutch at her head, threading my hands through her tangle of thick hair, but I cannot feel the weight and coarseness of it in my hands. It feels like air currents running through my fingers. I grip her fiercely trying to rekindle the real feeling of her as I kiss and kiss her, determined to taste all of her. So happy, so ecstatic, so stark-raving mad with joy.
Though I dare not break the bond by closing my eyes, I have to half-shut my eyes to reel in the majesty of the moment. I babble to her, speaking mostly nonsense, trying to tell her all the suffering I have endured as if in some way I can rid myself of all the pain and degradation. Oh Violet, oh my love. Violet...they kept me from you, no, no, no it will never happen again...kept in darkness, chained to the chairs...chains in the light and chains in the dark...I held on for you, I held your hand. Lost in your grave! Hurting, driving me crazy without you. I killed, oh I killed for you. I did everything you said...I begin to weep, sobbing uncontrollable like a child. I wither in agony as I retch up my sorrow. My strained, pent-up sorrow. Years and years of it flood from me.
Then I feel Violet's hands on me, her small palms and slender fingers imprint onto my skin. You want to rid yourself of this pain? I look up at her; my face is drenched and darkened. I nod with my mouth open wide, dribbling and weeping. Take it in your hand, my love. Take it. She and I collapse to the floor. The lights of the world around us close in, they blur and smear like a painting and our hands become one. The air around me becomes turbulent like howling wind but I barely notice. She reaches through my chest and touches me, cold fingers reaching into my heart. Pleasure and happiness burn me, the feeling of relief and ridding myself of this existence without her - a dead life. Then when I reach to take the gift from her it feels like cold metal, sharp edged and long. I feel Violet's kisses on my face as she tells me to do it, to come to her, to drive myself to the edge to where she fell from me; to the edge of insanity where the pathway lies between the two worlds. I breathe heavily, my eyes speed from side to side as the world around us seems to cave in as if we are falling, falling, falling deep into the valley...
I scream in terror. But try to focus on her face; it is bright against the abstraction of the room around us. I want her, I want nothing else. I want to leave here. I want to escape this sorrow! She takes my hands and uses them; she uses them to take me. I cry out in sickening surprise, but this time the noise is choked up. My arms burn in a terrible icy pain, I reel and sob. My skin is spewing; bright red patterns leak and fly from me to the hurricane around this moment - the eye of the storm. Just as the thunder brews I feel the lightning strike. I scream and scream in agony, the electricity fires through my nerves and conducts my veins - feeding the Other World into me. Then I see the lights of my chamber change, they change to the light of a street. It is a street from the town in Veradale. Blinded by pain, gagging, I fall into this memory; it encloses me again and again.
I see a house. The house is dark save for small flicker of light on the top floor. There is a balcony. There are open doors leading out. I am there in the streets looking up at the room with the lights. I see a person up on the balcony. Her face flits in and out of view. I cry and beg to not be shown this but my vision does not stop. Her face flashes from side to side of my visual field, but it is bloodstained and white as a ghost. I hear her scream, I remember that it had only been a short scream of shock but right now it echoes and screams all around me continuously until I am sure my eardrums will explode. I scream as loud as I can to try and stop the sounds and to try fight against the pain, as back with my body my flesh is tearing.
Then I am standing in the doorway of the room with the flickering light. NO! NO! NO! I don't want to see. I find feeling in my body and throw it around as far as I can lift myself, I jerk and shake all over as the floor is coated in red. I collide with the wall, I sprawl myself up it as if it is a barrier that can protect me. Red paints the walls. I wriggle and shriek as my body uncontrollably convulses. There must be a hideous demon in me that will not release; it wants to keep me from her! I tear at myself with my lifeline. I cut and rip trying to get the monster from me. I scream involuntarily as I lacerate, purge and stab deeply. But the room of my nightmares does not waver, every time I open my eyes I see it. I see her form, her silhouette standing there by the open balcony windows. I rake my shaking hands through my hair, a sticky substance covers me. I try and grip my head to abolish the memories but my arms are too weak, they no longer feel a part of me. I know I cannot walk but instead I seem to float as my vision continues through the room towards the balcony drop. I cry out in weak protest, so afraid my bladder loosens and sweat drowns my flesh beneath my clothes. Right behind her, there she stands. Please no! Don't do it! I squirm in a seizure, then Violet whispers in my mind, You must see me, you must. I know what will happen; it has so many times in my nightmares. Suddenly my body gets a sudden surge of strength, I feel like I am possessed by another. I charge at the figure by the balcony, I do not stop. I run right into her. She barely realises at first. Then she topples forward, she screams. The scream sounds like it is cut with a knife. She falls. I see her face. Violet's face. I try to reach for her but she descends again and again repetitively falling from me. Then she cracks her spine on the ground below.
I fall to the floor, my screams echo her. Staring out at an empty sky, beyond the balcony doors, smoke rises. I stare, the pain boiling over. Then I see her rise up, her ghost form rises from the fall. My tears are icy and cold. I see her come towards me; her face grows clearer and clearer. I am standing although I cannot feel my legs. I am leaning over the balcony towards her, reaching out to her. Her face is so beautiful. Such happiness is displayed on her face, all agony has vanished, and all blood has disappeared from her façade. She looks down at me, a smile on her face, her love blossoms over as her hands reach for mine. She is white against the blackness of the night, her limbs flow like lace and stretch light out to me. I know I must reach her. Violet, take me away.
She grabs my wrists. Like a blade coming down, the pain is unbearable. I am paralysed. My blood squeezes out over her fingers as she holds me tight. We are red. She holds my sanity in her grasp, wrenching it from me at long last!
Then the colours of the blood begin to fade. The foundations of the room disappear and the shadows of the streets vanish from sight. The white light of her ghost merges into the night, and she takes me along with her. In the backdrop of the night sky the world becomes colourless, empty. She gently pulls me, the pain subsides. She takes me away from the town, away from my chamber, away from the world below. Then she is before me, looking like the Violet I knew and loved. I have found her, after years of pain, she has come for me. My body below vomits up one last ounce of life before submitting to the transition. Violet takes me in her arms, her voice is no longer an echo it is real, Secret Hearts. And then I feel myself melt through the sheet of the worlds, joined and combined with my one and only. Vanishing from existence just as the day light dies.
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