(Dante) Dream - trapped

I listened out for the sounds in my sleep; slowly and carefully I strained all my senses. I was sure I would dream of my father that night, something within my subconscious seemed to suggest it so strongly. And as I drifted from myself falling into slumber, I felt my body and mind change. Delirium seemed to set in and I felt as though everything within me was altering. I felt him in my bones, the subtle changes in my form into Leon's stature. The tall, gallant shape of his body which had once stood tall in defiance now hung off its frame in defeat; A parody of a man. My mind continued to merge to become his own, and the changes were incredible; I could no longer think straight, my rationale was vanishing and was being replaced with a madman's mentality. I already felt as if I were on the edge of hysteria even at the beginning of the change as the dream state disorientation swallowed me up. I wondered if this was how Leon had always felt every day of his life. 

Standing in the centre of room I did not feel together. My thoughts were splaying this way and that, my heart thudded out of rhythm and my chest heaved unevenly. Then suddenly that thought! That memory inserted so cruelly into my head - how I wish I had not remembered! The instant that my distress would calm down and cease to be excited I would be reminded, I would remember everything; every sight, every scent, every single thing I touched...it would be her!

My body shuddered at first, burning with such a violent heat rising from beneath my skin, leaking through every pore. It was so powerful that I was certain that it was my heart smouldering within, pure grief just burning me alive from inside and out. Not her! I clutched my head and gripped tightly. Oh my Lord help me, I begged through the last of my fading self before I finally felt myself fully transform, as if sliding from my skin and through a murky veil. I heard myself cry out her name, Violet!
My skin throbbed and my flesh felt too tight to breathe. I wanted to scream but my voice was barely above a whisper. Oh Violet! My love, your eyes they always remain and your hands they hold mine! Why did you leave me? Why do you haunt me like an eternal demon? Burn to hell my villainous lover or rise from your grave to take me prisoner! Do not leave me stranded half way between a nightmare!
Overwhelmed and floundering, I could barely feel my legs as I stumbled backwards, reaching desperately for something solid to brace myself. Then I felt my shoulder collide with solid wood. Wincing, I stared into the gloom - I could see I stood trembling in a long paneled corridor. The darkness was heavy and the air around me seemed to be filled with a thick mist.  The hallway bent before my very eyes and seemed to enclose me in wherever I tried I move. I breathed out vapour as I glared into the blackness, my breath quivering out through my chattering teeth. Too afraid to move but desperate for an escape from this madness. Then out of nowhere I found myself crying out in pain, clutching my chest and reeling from a sudden shocking agony. It felt real, overthrowing me and pulling at the edges of my sanity. It felt as if the grief had taken a form of real torture and now it was breaking my body and mind down piece by piece. Unable to stand any longer, I fell to my knees and screamed out. I cursed a divine being, the light of creation and the night and day! In the throes of panic I shrieked out every profanity in my language. The pain was unbearable; like a white hot flame it devoured my logical thought and pulled me aside from myself so that I knew no other, as if I were born grieving. And then I cursed Violet. I screamed at the harlot and wicked temptress. The one who had torn me away from every one and everything I had ever known, only to tie me down with her treacherous love... and then to leave! Leaving me to the embrace of her violet chains; chains in the light and chains in the dark...

I wept pitifully as I truly felt the icy cold coil of metal weave its way around my limbs as I now lay sprawled on the floor; linking me and locking me in the bloodchain for all eternity. Our lives were unclean and stained with the blood of many - even from beyond the grave I was being claimed. I knew I would never be free of the bonds. Then the sounds of our Secret Hearts excelled in my mind! They whispered in my ears, speaking of awful things until the words seemed to score the edges of my failing mind. I felt them burrow their way in and control me, reducing me to a helpless wreck. Oh Violet, you wretch! You know I am a hapless slave willed to do your bidding just for a glimpse of your long dead love!

And then I saw her. My half opened eyes could see her forming, her shadow slowly becoming more solid; light and colours bleeding into her. I felt that my own self had now left the scene forever and only Leon’s mentality remained. Seeing her form before me I was stricken with such desire and sorrow that I was frozen on the spot. When I opened my eyes fully, her arms were held out towards me, her apparition flickering like a feeble candle flame. I willed her to stay but also wished her to vanish from me. No more visions please! I cried out, Take me with you! Do not leave me again and again with nought but a memory! But of course she did fade, she always did. It happened so slowly that I did not notice it at first, but as soon as I realised I wept pitifully. Violet! No! My love no! My heart was breaking, my soul reaping and there seemed to be nothing to ease my pain.
Then I gradually began to fade from my dream, as gently as I had first entered. Dregs and traces of the dream clung to me like a thick caul. Finally when I could feel the mattress beneath me again I sprang up to vomit. I was purging Leon from me. I heaved and retched in disgust - possessed and violated by memories that were never my own. I felt cold, ice cold right to my core. 

 When I felt completely emptied I tried to reflect on my experience. No, that was no ordinary dream. Had I really inherited Violet's talent of foresight? Surely not. But there seemed no other explanation. It was a truly awful and incredible realisation. I felt cold, ice cold right to my core.