Disconcerted (Dante's Raving)

Disconcerted (Dante's Raving)
Speaking of/to Damien



The drink that pours from the vial is not an ordinary liquor. It is something different all together. I was told but, did I listen?
The taste chokes you, like virgin lungs inhaling smoke.  And strong like heat scorching down your throat. Yet it is what it does to the brain that makes it incredible and awful. A mixture of peculiar things all blended together to create something perverse but not altogether there.
There seems to be extracts of opium found within the cordial. If I only knew what these meant. The taste that lingers is like the one that very strong alcohol leaves, and rightly so, as it is a type of poison. Yes, I know this drink is toxic and we ingest it now. It makes me vomit so terribly and my head screams in protest. The infiltrating venom seems to spread rapidly through my brain, through the ruts and channels across its sticky surface. Still I continue to throw back glass after glass and swallow hard with hoarse breath and closing airways. My body heaves in disgust and my conscience convulses in distrust, for I know for sure you are going to deceive me.
Why not lie now? It may be all you can do. All those night we devoured and songs we held unsung are still trapped in our silent voices, quivering with desperate anticipation. How could we help that? It was all I had ever known so I was the child in your company and the ward of your superiority. How could you have done what you did? To drink my own elixir and take away my self-respect. You held me within a struggling pose and slowly ripped off all my clothes. Well, why? Why? Did even my streaming eyes not cure your brutality? I tried my hardest to hide everything last thing from you so do not blame me when your deepest secret has been spoken out loud. Oh but do not blame yourself now! Let me in with all the comfort and embraces you need, and let me show you exactly what it is like to bleed this way.
If we had had a choice in the matter would we have chosen the latter out of knowledge or ignorance? Separated from the terror by a thick dumb insolence and numbed by the heavy bulk of incompetence. And would you pick the life cushioned by blankets of petty lies? Just for an existence of unworldly bliss? Why would the Almighty have us choose one or the other? If it is indeed true that my path was predetermined and fate sealed, then I will curse the hour of creation and the spark of life's conception. Oh how I wish I had had a mother to coddle me! Why did I think I could find the same type of consolation in you? I grieve my position and mourn over my sweetness as a child, even though I was still tormented and enamoured with the fear and joy of flames. How I sometimes wish I could just scream and carry on forever until all living breath leaves me.
As a child you were abandoned into the hands of tyrants but I fell into the insufferable control of fallen saints. I discovered the pain of the world later outside of my home, while growing up in a house saturated in sorrow. You were trapped within a constant ring of repetition and exclusive chances; never to see the earth as a clean place. Dirty with trickery and sin, but are we not all just folding in? Failing and falling to the feet of ultimate temptation? And if I fall, will you take care of my cadaver and make sure it gets a proper burial? Or will you simply eat my empty shell? Hopefully I will be too far away to hear the demons gnawing my bones.
But for now I will dream of a beautiful place tonight, and maybe never wake up. Would that matter? I have always hoped I would die that way when my time comes.