Roselle's Pain

Roselle's Pain

The world seems to crumble around me, thoughts no longer make sense as I try to understand.

I tell myself that it no longer matters but it is the most wretched lie. My heart hurts so much it pounds on my ribs and seems to tear cracks through my skin.

I see you but you may not see me. Tears run hot and I collapse to weeping. How can it be that love causes me such pain? I am secretly and deeply in my mind begging you to stay. Yet you cut me so deeply.

My blood runs like rivers do, spiralling around my body rapidly, but it is blocked. The blood cannot reach my heart; the temperature drops and it is slowly dying. Returning to winter, uncontainable and chilling me to this core.

I cannot breathe easy. The breath pours out like freezing vapour - I know you are cursed. You were a blue baby who had the mark of death about him from birth. And now it is your turn to wish for death.

You cannot deal with your actions, the ones you never seem to fully reveal. You cannot bear your guilt, a burden that you let no else bear; so you lie and contain yourself within this consuming falsehood. And I fear for you. Despite myself, I am afraid for where ever your next actions may take you. But through it all you broke my ice heart into two and the rest simply melted away.

But still something remains. In spite of my senses, I know you are my love. And there you are just walking away. I could scream the sky down but it would make no difference.

Please stay, I want to scream but I shiver from the distaste. I can hardly bring a word to my lips; the sounds have been silenced in me. I know I cannot be alone any more, it will be the death of me, but whatever is there to do?

How could you? Did you know what it would do to me? I want to pretend it is not real but it is not a luxury I can fathom. I try to face the truth but I find my sanity seeming to stretch from it all.

You were my life, the one who I revealed the darkest secrets of my past to. And now you turned out to be the demon all along – did you not? How could you do this?

Shall I take a pistol and shoot out my heart? - For there is so little left. Or shall I cut it out with a knife? - There is very little care left in me now I feel I would barely notice. I wonder how long it all lasted, against my better judgement I allow myself to indulge on these thoughts. My fingers quiver and tears are now fresh. I pray for absolution.

I do not want this anymore, I wish for quietness of my mind but it continues to shriek protests. All I wanted was your love, but it was too much to ask. Please come back to me, just to face me and explain. Do not leave me to try and understand why you were under this disguise. You are not my Dante any more. And I feel more lost than ever before.