The streets were silent. No sound emerged from the dark. I made sure of that as I listened intently, never quitting for the relief of sleep. The night was still young but the sky was old. I could see it through the part in the curtains. Streaked with grey ribbons and poisonous overcasts it relaxed over the town, gently reclining above the tall buildings like a patience pestilence.
I gulped and swallowed, trying to keep my mouth from being dry. I knew my brother was out there. Out there in the shadows. I had tried to talk to my Mother but she did not listen. She did not seem to be in any connection with her surrounding or the people around her. Such a stupid insolent fool; she never digested the facts about her son, and who her daughter was.
And now she was asleep. Asleep and completely unaware and unconcerned about the whereabouts of her children. Father would be asleep too, but probably just unaware. I would not wait for their time to come to the rescue so I crept out of bed and closer to the window. I peered through and watched as well as listened. The full moon loomed high in the sky, half concealed by the menacing clouds. I used to think my brother was a werewolf or a shape-changer when he went out in the dark under the moon but he proved himself to be just crazy. Crazy and weak.
I reached out and prised open the catch on the window and allowed it to swing back and forth. I pulled myself up onto the window ledge and stood up. My white nightgown fluttered around in the wind showing off most of my legs and thighs but I did not care. I was only young and anyhow I have never cared what the neighbours think. I looked down. The ground seemed so far away. I knew it could not possibly that far down. I saw something in the corner of my eye. I breathed in the night air. The figure was below me; waiting and watching my every move like an animal. I dreamt up a bird. A mightily eagle who was on the brink of escape and just needed to spread her wings and…
…I jumped.
I felt no pain. Maybe a slight bump to the chest. I had trusted him to catch me. My brother Johann’s wide smile flashed at me in the gloom as he held me in his arms. His fingers holding tightly around my legs, long nails digging into my skin. I felt myself stiffen.
You decided to come then?” I nodded. Besides I could not let him go by himself. He put me down slowly onto the floor and exposed another pumpkin smile at me. I hated the way he looked at me. I hated the way he spoke to me. I hated most things about him but we were still close. That is why he shared his deeds with me, even if I did not want to know. We ran down the road from our house as fast and as quietly as we could, even though we both knew our parents would not discover us.
I knew where to go. The usual place. Johann sped ahead of me, long legs propelling him through the streets and me, younger and barefooted. Soon I was left in his dust. I panted and gasped, suddenly stopping and calling to him. He did not reply. The darkness coated me and cold filled the gaps in my nightgown. Disgruntled, I spat and carried on.
It took my a while to catch up but I found him. Sitting cross-legged in the hollow of the ash tree near the edge of the cemetery. Everyone knew it was used to keep the dead in and the wandering souls out. But I knew it would only last so long. I even perceived that the tree would contain the evil dead within the cemetery, and the necropolis would harbour the dead. But we were not afraid now. We both sat inside it, Johann drinking endless spirits and smoking, me drinking gin. Then Johann turned to me.
'So…' His voice was thick with drink, 'What shall we do?' He was not really asking but I wondered if it was worth suggesting something. When suddenly erupted and shouted I decided it was best not to.
'Hey! I have always hated them Raxon children!'
'Me too.' I muttered, 'The Raxon family think they are so mighty, I would love to see them crawl.'
'Their blood is sweet, Violet! And tonight is their night. You can see it. Up there in the sky you can see an omen!' I knew he was drunk but I felt I could actually see the dark shapes floundering in the red light across the stars. It filled me with excitement but also a strange fear. I have always loved that feeling. Suddenly Johann moved by me and I jumped.
'Let's get them and show them! Get them!' He struggled to get up. I watched him as he rolled around in the dirt like a pig in it’s filth. I felt repulsion resurfacing as I watched my brother. I looked at him as the animal he was. No werewolf or gallant creature of the ages. He was a sickened beast of nothingness. An animal with eyes of one intent.
We sneaked around the back of the Raxon’s house, shoulders against the wooden fence. The Raxon's kept hounds and we could hear them yapping and crying from inside the fences. They would smell us. I looked at Johann but he just shook his head and carried on around. He was a fool. I was not going to get caught like him. I turned around very quietly and went the other way around towards the front of the house. It would be dangerous if they caught me but I would not let them, if I was just careful. From the back porch I heard Johann stumble and swear. One of the dogs barked. I froze. No, it was okay. It did not detect him. I let out an angry sigh and dared to step forward.
I was nearing the front porch, it was only a few metres away. Though I was not sure what I had in mind to do when I got there I carried on. When I eased around the last corner the air stuck in my lungs.
There lay one of the dogs. Large and brutal it was. Stretched across the porch steps to my right. It was not even asleep. It was wide awake, eyes savage and glowing. I remember screaming as it made for me. I was winded as it knocked me to the floor. It’s jaws snapped in my face and it tore my hand as I tried to protect myself but still knowing that it would rip me apart. I screamed again, then suddenly the darkened porch was washed in a yellow light. The hound lifted it’s head up off my torso and raised it’s nose. A boy my age stood in the doorway holding a lantern, I recognised him as Albert Raxon, the boy who held me in contempt.
Then what happened next I do not fully know. I was too dazed by pain and so crushed by the dog’s weight that I could barely understand. Before the boy could register what was happening, I saw a shadow rapidly form behind him and then my brother came into view. He held a plank of wood in his hand and smashed it over the boy’s head. As the boy collapsed to the floor the pain was lifted from my chest, the smell of animal breath off my face and then I heard another thump of wood colliding with bone. I watched through a watery vision as tears poured with the pain, I felt my body boil in the dark. I saw a potential weapon resting against the wall by the porch door. A thin metal rod used for garden fences. Johann’s shadowed image kept blurring in and out but I could see he was coming over to me holding the wood. It looked splattered with the blackest ink in the darkness. I kept seeing him in different lights as if from different times in my memories, like sections of my life were flashing before my eyes. Drunken beast. Demonic creature. He was coming to cleave my head open, and anger overshadowed my fear instantly. Then suddenly with all the strength I could muster, I raised myself up though pain stunted me. My fumbling hand shot out and grasped the metal rod and as Johann came close enough so he was over me I threw myself up and thrust it deep into Johann’s leg.
“You bastard! YOU BASTARD!” I shrieked as I kept the force behind my weapon, hearing my brother’s screams ripple and roll over me, rocketing into the night. It was an awful and pure sound that filled me. Anger building into white hot hatred that roared like a mighty blaze within. I do not know how far I has shoved it into his flesh but when I let go out it stood out by itself. But I did not let myself fall down then. I dragged myself away from the porch backwards and somehow, I do not remember how, I was on my feet. I was almost running. I didnt pause to witness the discovery of death, I didn't stop to check Johann had got away from that house. But I heard his sounds, lamenting creature, disarmed and limping away. I hid. I was not going to get skewered. I lay for ages in thorny hedge. Hidden from everyone, with blood on me. The scent was strong and I could taste it drooling from the corners of my mouth. The pain I felt made me cold but I fought to stop it consuming me. I did not want to see what damage I had done but I knew as dawn came it would show me the injuries, however hideous.
I sat half lay inside the bush with black needles barring me in, inches from my eyes. As large as nails, as sharp as knives. I closed my eyes to the pain and remember moaning. Would this be the last time my brother did this? I had thought. Oh Johann, would it be my turn now? No longer a toy, I am my own master – maybe? I had thought as I drifted with obscure mania into an unconscious state.
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