Carlo's dreams

 DREAM:

Her breath came out fast. My heart pounded and my lust mounted higher with each movement. I lay on her satin sheets with her lithe body upon my own, her naked form soaked in red and long hair hanging down over me. Her lips tasted me and I tasted her blood, reeling and gripping hold of her as she pressed and flexed upon me. 

Then my vision blurred, my passion seemed to fade rapidly and terror overtook me. Her hands tore at my body, faster and more ferociously than ever within our passion. Then I felt real pain, it was blinding and knocked the breath from me. I heard her laughing unnaturally as she pawed at my flesh, pooling through my veins and scraping her nails down my torso, tearing the skin as if it were paper. If I tried to plea I could not hear myself. Then I felt the agonising vibration as she slammed her fists down and cracked my sternum. I felt the air leave my lungs and I was drowning in my own blood, desperately clawing at her but barely moving. She seemed to be pulling my insides out. Finding my voice through the torrent of fluid, I screamed out. The pain was unbearable but somehow I wasn't dying. I was remaining. In the midst of the horror, I knew it wasn't real. I knew it couldn't be. But it felt real. It was all contained within me from times long gone but ones that had destroyed me in every way. And yet even now I begged for mercy. Pitifully and pathetically I pleaded for it to end.  I cried in our tongue, finding myself reverting to my childhood language. Begging for death. 

Suddenly, Serena stopped and looked me straight in the eyes. Her eyes seemed reflected in a way that wasn't right - like a flame was blazing behind her sockets. Be still, she whispered, a smirk playing on her features, this is the best way for us to find out what's within you. To see what you're made of. As she pulled more the feelings faded slightly until I was sure I was slipping away. Tears poured down my face to my horror, and sweat leaked from my pores. Please. I - I can't feel my legs, I croaked out. Serena giggled and shook her head at me. 

That's because I have buried them. You can see. 

Sickening terror filled me as I gazed down and saw my legs had disappeared from the knees down into thick wet soil. Please no, no. I began weeping like a child. Suddenly the scene changed and I felt grass beneath me and smelt the stench of the earth around us. Then looking up at Serena, her features morphing from her familiar beauty to a distorted iron mask, she showed me two metal stakes she held in her slick hands. 

Don't look. She whispered then stabbed down into my eyes. I screamed in agony and all went dark. I heard my terrified panting and felt wetness cover my face. I screamed out endlessly as nothing but blackness surrounded me. 

________________

I sank heavily into slumber, tiredness sending me in deeply and I was quickly submerged. The clouds rolled in black, billowing around me and closing in tightly. The darkness was so vast it seemed like I was blind, but I knew I was just hidden within the well of my mind, trapped in the demonic thoughts that plagued my waking existence and that came to life in my dreams. 

Shadows morphed and I could sense I was standing in a wide chamber, the corners of the room just outside of my peripheral. Sensations began steadily. I started to feel my bare feet planted on the hard ground beneath me and a cold breeze drifted through my hair, coming from somewhere in the dark. 

Suddenly I felt cold metal against my fingers; I looked down at the knife in my hands. The blade glistened so brightly even though there was scarcely any light for it to reflect. Compelled by some unknown purpose, I sunk it deep into my skin. It dragged as I skinned down my forearms, trembling as my body reeled at the intentional damage. Flowers of red blossomed all down my wrists, spilling down over my hands and off my outstretched fingers. I sucked in air as the blood poured down onto the floor where it pooled around me rapidly. Barely a minute had passed before I felt myself wavering, unable to stand I fell to my knees, head swimming and numbness taking over my senses. It was the end. 

But then I knew it wasn't. The pain kicked in so forcibly that I couldn't even react. My entire form shook as every nerve felt aflame; the draining blood feeling as if it were boiling water scalding me and my veins like scorching wire being pulled out hand over hand. I could only gape and pant as the pain tore through me causing me to pitch forward onto my hands and knees, soaked to my elbows in my flooding elixirs. Then horror struck me. I saw my pores as red pinpricks on my arms and blood was oozing from them to join the mess around me. My clothes were now utterly drenched as every pore opened up and I felt dreaded realisation as track mark bruises rapidly appeared over my flesh. The pulling sensation grew fierce. Spitting bloody mouthfuls, I cried out as I felt them stealing it all from me. 

Then my vision spanned around. I was standing before myself watching my suffering body on the ground. I could still feel the pain, but it was as if I were a spectator, a witness to my worst nightmare/greatest fear.

And the more it - I- thrashed on the ground the more the form altered, until I could see a younger me writhing in agony. I stared in absolute terror, watching it unfold, unable to move. 

Then the skin split across the cheeks, the flesh tore, and blood seemed to fester on the surface. Eyes watered and streamed fluid, hair follicles matted together, and the scalp started to blacken. 

Its crying eyes locked with mine. Please help me. It hurts, it hurts. 

'They are killing you.' I whispered. The skin on its hands had started to crack and peel away as it clawed at the stone.

I want to die. The younger self spoke to me, I was shocked as I had never actually said the words aloud. Its fangs were fully exposed through the thinning gums as it mustered the strength to speak. But it won't end. I feel everything.

I covered my face with my hands as I could no longer watch but I could still hear the sounds. The sinewy ripping and harrowing screaming. I too found myself screaming to block out the noise, and it all excelled in my ears like the horrendous pandemonium from my memories. Then finally, everything dissolved little by little, and I passed from the nightmare into my waking world. 

I know I was an immortal monster. Butcher of humans and consumer of living blood. But I was also a child, and they tortured me. Tortured me to the brink of death but I still couldn't escape. And it drove me to this insanity. 

I spent the best half of a century trying to understand, desperate to repair the damage done and somehow recover what had been taken. And also flitting between that and vicious fury for those who had rejected me.  I wasted a lot of time. Then I realised that acceptance of how others viewed me, and how there was no way I could control or fight their judgement, was the best thing. You can't force others to change, and you can never fully reclaim a life or dream lost. 

I feel lucky though, some people waste an entire existence desperate for the approval of others, or else constantly seething and embittered over being slighted. 

My mind grew inflamed with images of our fervour. I dreamt of rolling between her virgin thighs, our bodies entwining and the strong scent of her all over me. I could taste her on my tongue and feel her sweat grease my fingertips. Giving myself to her more than I had anyone. I felt overcome with the need to touch her, please her and pleasure her until she would lie in my arms quivering and breathless. I too was now breathless and allowed my hands to explore as my fantasy became more vivid. I envisioned the gentleness of her form, the supple shape, snowy pallor and silky texture of her skin. A delicate casing compared to the hardened shell that defined our species.  I let out sighs as her warm soft fingers caressed me, her hands running down the length of my body, not shying away but desiring me as much as I her. 

Our heartbeats were pressed between us as we embraced in passion and, as I held her, I could feel every vein pulsing beneath the flesh. I slid my hands down, imagining every movement was hers and stroked harder between my thighs. Gasping aloud, I imagined us joining. I was moving deep within her, and she eagerly welcomed me. Both of us are alive with fevered longing, pressing to be closer still, unified with a new and otherworldly love.

I felt myself being brought to the edge as I teased and toyed with my body, seeing my love thrashing in the throes of passion. It was new to be craving something other than blood. 

I turned the heat of the water up if only to imagine her hot touch against my icy cold skin.

'I have never been so intimately close with a human before.'

'Really?' Her eyes were bright as she looked up at me. 'I am the only one?' 

'Oh undoubtedly you are the only one.'

She practically beamed, but then cast her eyes downward. 'What is it?'

'Then you should know that there is no one else either, and... in fact, there never has been.' She swallowed. 

I gazed down at her with such longing and if it were possible my affection for her deepened. 

'You needn't be embarrassed that you still hold what is yours and yours alone to keep. It is your own to guard for as long as you will, a treasure all your own to share with whom you will. There is nothing so negative about it.' I caressed a strand of her ebony hair. 'It pains me to think that you felt ashamed to tell me.' 

Then she suddenly kissed me. The heat of her mouth burned over my own, but it felt like heaven and the flutter of the softest lace. I grasped her hands in mine as we tasted each other, and she did not pull away in horror! Not at the very least due to the essence of any death on me. She continued to delve deeply, and I took extra care not to scrape my teeth on her delicate lips. When we broke the kiss Cat was wondrously flushed, and my heart banged so loudly I was sure that even she would hear it. 

'Wow.' She whispered. 

My skin was always icy to the touch, and I was sure it would chill her, but she continued to embrace me. The warmth of her small body against mine was unreal. The heat seemed to spread, prickling my flesh and making it feel as though I would break out in a sweat. And where I touched her I saw goosebumps rising, both from my cold caress as well as from growing excitement. Then her dark eyes invited me and, with shaking hands, I began to unbutton her dress. She weaved her own hands under the collar of my shirt, and I took a sharp intake. She stopped. 

'Are you alright?' 

'Yes, sorry.  You're just very warm. It startled me.' 

'Shall I stop?' 

'Please don't.' I leaned in to kiss her and she met me keenly. Our lips grazed over each other's, and I found myself using my tongue to taste her. She sighed softly in my arms, as I used the tip of my tongue to trace her lips, licking fervidly down her chin and to her throat. Her fingers gripped hold of me as I very gently used my teeth to tease her, when suddenly my canine went straight through the fabric of her clothing, severing a bra strap. I swore and Cat burst out laughing. 

(Carlo took Cat to use the piano at his second home deep in the woods) 

Carlo starts leafing through Cat's stuff. 

'Feel free to look through. It's mostly junk and I'll end up throwing it out anyhow.'

I find an worn looking paperback and upon opening it I discover it to be a music book with a flurry of notes all pencilled throughout. I turn it over in my hands and see it is a singers music book.

'I didn't know you were a singer.'

'I'm not. I just used to sing a little.'

'I bet you have a beautiful voice.' I encourage, smiling over at her.

She looked up at me from her sorting, 'I don't know about that. I used to enjoy it but just stopped for some reason.' I continued to gaze over at her. 

'Will you sing something for me?'

'Absolutely not.'

'Oh please!  I would love to hear your singing.'

'It's embarrassing.'

'Why?' 

'It just is! And I haven't sung in years. I might have forgotten how.' 

'I just think as you used to enjoy it that  singing might make you feel happy.' 

Cat scoffed but then twiddled her thumbs.

'There isn't any music though. I can't sing without music.' I thought for a moment.

'I know where there is music.'

We went out in the night.

'I will take us some of the distance but we can walk part the way if you like as the night is so clear.'

She nodded. 

When we landed she nearly toppled in the dark.

'I can't see anything!' 

'Just take a moment for your vision to adjust. And look...the moon is coming out now, it'll light our way.' 

We walked through the woods silently, both of us drinking in the calming tranquility. Our hands touched occasionally in the dark and I desperately wished to take hers in mine but decided against it. After a while I felt her weave her arm around mine, perhaps as a steadying support as we carved our way through the undergrowth, but even so it felt wonderful. 

'We are nearly here.' I pushed the branches aside to reveal the most obscure building.

'Oh my god.' 

I held out my gloved hand to her and led her through the old gate and across the overgrown garden to the front door. 

'Mind how you step.' I warned as I helped her through the doorway into the darkened lower level. The stench of natural elements was strong in my nostrils, so much so that I was sure Cat would smell it also. 

'I know it seems dilapidated but -'

'It's amazing.' Cat was running her hand along one of the feature walls; carved figures protruded from a plaque that, although worn, depicted many beasts and animal hybrids in an amalgamation. 

'How did you find it?' 

'By chance actually. I was looking for another location when I came across this place, and since then it's been a sanctuary for me.' 

Cat wavered her hand over a few hanging cobwebs and walked over towards the staircase.

'We can't go that way unfortunately.  The staircase isnt useable. It collapsed inwards a long time I expect. But we can go up.' I gestured to a massive hole in the ceiling. 

'Wow. How did -?'

'That I cannot hazard a guess.' I added smiling, 'It wasn't me.' 

I lifted her up gently, she stood on my shoulders and pulled herself through. I jumped up after her with a splintering sound from the wood. 

'Someday that's going give way.' I chuckled, brushing myself down.

'What is this place?' 

'I still don't fully know, I've been coming here for a few years. In fact it is how I originally found you as it is often too far to travel back to my home and I sometimes rest here.' 

'I wonder who built it. It's such a strange building.'

'I used to think it was an old home to a groundskeeper and his family. But then I found this - ' I led her to across the room to the corner where the moonlight shone through the thinly curtained window and landed on a dark wooden piano. 

'No way!' Cat exclaimed, her eyes huge and her hand shot to her mouth. I felt myself glowing as I saw her delight. 

'Isn't it a wonderful specimen? I can't think why I've never used it before, but sometimes it is nice to have an audience. Now just seemed the perfect time.'

Cat smiled at me shyly. 'Thank you for bringing me here.' There was a sudden fierce tension between us, a strong array of emotions that I didn't fully understand. But the moment just lingered and both of us frozen, hesitant. I broke the tension.

'So I expect it needs looking at before it is in working order.' 

'Okay sure.' Cat's eyes released me and she had a slow explore around the room while I went to set it up. 

'Hang on a moment.' I lay on my back and pushed myself under the piano. The sound of my tuning filled the quiet room. I could heat Cat's footsteps as she wandered around.

Finally I got up and settled on the worn seat. I ran my hands over the dusty keys and then started to play. I glanced over at Cat as she was looking at the worn decor, I uncomfortably noticed she had seen my previous addition; scrawled writing in ink and some dried blood. Thankfully it seemed she couldn't read it.

I felt her settle down beside me, I finished the song and turned to her. 

'You are really good.'

'I learnt when it was fashionable and then continued thereafter for a good few years. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed playing.' I tickled the keys fondly. 

'So what shall I play for you?'

Some of the songs Cat suggested I didn't know well enough but I had brought her song book and she chose one from there which I could follow. 

At first, she was very reluctant.  Several times she false started and became really embarrassed but I kept encouraging her, assuring her that I didn't mind that she was out of practice and I only wanted to hear her. Finally she sang and I played as best as I could to keep to her tempo. As we progressed through the song I shut my eyes to listen to every word she sang and how it combined so wonderfully with the piano sounds, it was the perfect instrument to compliment her voice. So romantic and so melancholy,  her voice was soft but haunting. It vibrated around me, singing to the night, like a Saint bringing joy to those monsters of darkness. 

She lingered on the final note and I did also. Then silence. We gazed at each other.

'I knew it. Beautiful. ' 

Suddenly we both pitched forward to embrace, arms interlinked, foreheads together, lips inches from each other's. The coldness of my breath and her heat created vapour from our mouths, my hands now caressing her soft flowing locks. She entwinned her fingers in mine, the warmth overwhelming me but I felt entranced. Sitting sideways on the seat she brought her legs over mine and I moved up against her, holding her against my body. I naturally lifted her up into my arms, her hands now clasped behind my neck, and carried her to the couch nearby. I lay her down and found myself advancing over her, trembling, as she pulled me closer. Our lips grazed, the heat increased, and our breathing became rapid. She brought her knees up and clamped her legs on either side against my hips, while I gripped her waist and moved against her. I grew feverish with excitement and leant in to kiss those pretty lips. The feeling was incredible, overhauling and so passionate. Like nothing I'd ever felt before. She held me back, delving in for more, and I gave in to her allowing my mouth to move ardently over hers, tasting her. I kissed her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids and nose. I only broke the moment to look at her, staring deep into her eyes and seeing my own reflection staring back.

'Are you okay?' She whispered, touching my face. I shook my head. 

'I love you.' 

After playing:

We lay side by side on the threadbare furniture, Cat breathing gently within a deep sleep while I listened to the rain outside. The downpour shook the windowpane and the occasional raindrop dripped through the rafters of the old rotten place.  I had offered up my coat to her as I hardly needed it, but her lips had turned blue with cold. I lightly held her over the layers, being careful not to touch her bare skin, and her legs lay outstretched across mine. It was the closest we had to an embrace/cuddle, each of us wary of affecting the other. I sighed. This was such a wonderful mess. 

Her eyelids fluttered as she dreamt, but I didn't seek sleep. I was half propped up on my elbow, angled so I could see the stars and the gleam of moonlight through the tattered curtains. This night had felt the most romantic I had ever experienced, and I only wanted to savour the moment; I leant closer to her, allowing her dark locks to tickle my face, her scent so strong and warmth practically radiating off her. I could feel such a longing for her fragile mortal form, a love that filled the inches of my heart that had spent so many years wounded. I yearned for her but knew it would only really mean anything if she chose me also. 

I know I am dreaming but I cannot seem to force myself from sleep. I wish something would wake me up but I continue to flounder in my subconscious mind unable to release myself. I carry on running through the forest through no air runs over me, it is like I am running in an airless void, even my breath cannot be heard although my lungs throb in exhaustion.